i never update this anymore. but i figure i should bc sometimes i look back at it to see what was going on when...and i never know.
anyway. i'm lonely...but at the same time i'm not. like, i get so so attached to the people that i see everyday that they really sorta become a part of me. and thats good...but im kinda just erasing my brain. for lack of any other way to put it, i'm just
being... either way though. i dont think i needed this to tell me how close i am to my friends. i already knew i would sorta fall apart without them. and i am to a certain extent. i think the best part is though that i'm just soo positive that nothing will change, or you know, everything
changes but i mean, we'll still be really close. i do think that i have kind of come to the realization that i cant exist the same way i did even at this same time last year. or even six months ago. its not that i
couldn't be single, i already know i function fine that way. but now, really for the first time, i'm kind of seeing how i, as an individual, function as one half of a whole and really, i've never been satisfied as that before. honestly, i dont think ive ever been in a relationship, up to this point at least, that i took seriously. or that i didn't treat...recklessly. and i feel like, other than that meaning that i've found someone who's just right for me, it also means i'm grown up. can you really say that unless you've reached a point where you make a reasonable effort to prevent emotional recklessness with others? i guess there's different ways to measure growing up...and every time i come home i really feel a lot older than the last.
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 enthralled |
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sun_poisoned's journal
satisfied
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////eh
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